Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
