i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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