watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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