oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You smell like a Billy Joel song
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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