grandma shit on top of the toilet
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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