Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
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having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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