I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
