You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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