So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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