yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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