He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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