I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
