lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
