it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
