My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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