That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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