I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
