If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize