My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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