You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
