can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
