so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
