I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
