Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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