apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
