respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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