I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
