If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
