I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize