The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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