He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
