I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Everything about him screamed your future.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
