it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
