Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
