Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
