I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
