The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
