theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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