I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
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I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
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I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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