You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
