i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
