We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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