I look better un-naked...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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