After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
