Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
