You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
