as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
