If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
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He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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