I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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