every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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