My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
