Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
