good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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