I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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