After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
