My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
