Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
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i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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