so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
