I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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