i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
