The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
