Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
