Kiss
Puke
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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