you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
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