So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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