Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Mom said you looked used
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
