well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
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Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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