just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
