Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
