covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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