Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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