That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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